silentangelfish
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Name: Esther
Birthday: 6/20/1984
Gender: Female


Interests: photography, music, literature, rain, blood


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AIM: silentangelfish
MSN: silentangelfish@hotmail.com
ICQ: 5649617


Member Since: 8/22/2002

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Thursday, November 27, 2008

My brother is better than me at everything

You know the drill, younger sibling idolizes older sibling and wants to be just like them.

Except, in my case, I spent a good majority of my time telling my older brother, no, you're NOT better than me at everything.

I proved this by making the school basketball team, getting better grades, doing better on the SATs (although I only tied on the ACTs...), going abroad and learning a new language...

And the argument I always ended the discussion with - "well, I'm better than you at being a girl" -- which wasn't even the greatest, since I was always a tomboy and not very girlish. Which I would also concede to on my own.

Issues with pride, anyone? Haha.

The truth is, my brother really is naturally better than me at everything. He's more athletic than I am, he has better musical sense and better ears (and is eons beyond me at guitar -- probably why it took me so long to even bother trying to learn), and he's smarter than I am -- more intuitive, analytical, and able to think about issues from non-standard angles. He's even a better cook than I am.

I've written before that I have a natural desire to excel and to exceed people's expectations of me. Is this where it comes from? A desire to be better than my brother - who has always been better than me at everything?

What I lack in natural ability and talent, I make up for with effort and hard work. This has turned me into a highly motivated individual. Much of my character and who I am, I owe to my brother.

I love my brother. And he's still better than me at everything.

------------------

As I was writing this, I told my sister-in-law that I was writing how Enoch is better than me at everything.

Maggie: That's not true.
Enoch: It's not?
Maggie: You can't be a girl!
Enoch: I don't look as good in a dress.
Me: It's all I have!!

Hahahaha


Monday, November 24, 2008

Attempts at recording

I like to play guitar and i like to sing. I've been trying to learn guitar for the past year or so -- and part of my practicing, i like to play and sing :D so here's an attempt at recording "words that you say" -- that we just did on sunday. fairly new song to me, but i think it turned out okay. thoughts?

oh and please ignore the words that i forgot. haha


Thursday, November 13, 2008

I have many things to be thankful for

i have a secure job
my family, through spread apart, is all in good health
i am in good health
my car runs well and i like to drive it
God has surrounded me with caring friends and community [despite my antisocialness]
my coworkers/manager/director like me
i have somewhere to lay my head
my job isn't extremely stressful
i can exercise during lunch
my mother taught me enough basics of cooking so i can feed myself affordably
i have no debt
i can make all my payments
gas prices are lower
my life is simple, and i have very few needs
God continues to give me time to reflect and refresh
i can look forward to spending time with my family over the holidays
even though i am here by myself, i am not alone


it's easy to stress out and forget

God is always providing for me, in all the aspects of my life

i try to hoard more manna than i need and save it for a rainy day

daily bread, You always provide it.


Saturday, July 26, 2008

i guess i should update the world...

for those of you that know that i've been in japan since the end of june for work with a return-to-USA date of july 25... here's an update for you:

i'm not going back.































just kidding. for now anyway. hahaha

but yeah, i'm still in japan and will be until september 15th. what happened, you ask?

well, it's simple. this summer was to consist of two business trips to japan: the first - june 28-july 25, the second - august 15-september 15. 3 weeks in between in the states. manager first suggested way back when that i just stay. i thought i should go back, since my parents are in the states right now. this past tuesday, my coworker suggested me to ask if i could still stay. i asked, and got the okay pretty much immediately. i talked to my parents and now i'm just going back to taiwan for christmas, so i get to see them for longer than 3 days. and now i'm in japan for 11 weeks solid.

11 weeks solid

what in the world. hahahaha

umm.. so all you in sf, please don't forget me (unless you have already.. then boo) and i'll try to keep the world updated more regularly. since i clearly suck at that. and need to work on not forgetting english too.....


Monday, June 16, 2008

the addiction

bowling.

like i mentioned in my last posting, something in my personality drives me to be good at everything. and just as music does not escape this, neither does bowling.

random? perhaps.

but for a good portion of my college career, i bowled fairly regularly. pretty regularly. regularly = weekly. and more in the summertimes ($1 games -- can you blame me?).

sophomore year was the beginning of it all. at first, it was just three of us -- bryan, tony, and me. and as the weeks went by, more and more joined... and in the summer of 2004, it had become a full-blown league.

i loved it. with consistency my greatest asset, i bowled straight as a laser, sniping any unforunate pins and picking up spares with ease. and as much as i liked to say i competed against myself, some of my greatest joy came from the fact that i bowled in competition with a lot of the guys. regularly posting scores in the 150s and 160s, and an all-time high of 202, my competitive spirit never failed to flare, particularly in the case of a bad game. i'm sure there are still people who remember some of my reactions... and my animal-like wailings. hahaha...ha.

i've had to mellow through the years. for a period of time, bowling poorly against my own expectations would frustrate me unspeakably, and hurl my mood into the mud.

even now, it takes conscious effort to not take bowling too competitively or too seriously. it doesn't work out too well when bowling for a company event, as we did tonight. it's too easy for me to expect too much of myself, or even to have the desire to impress.

all this about bowling. silly? perhaps.

mellow...mellow....mellow? there's something strange in this personality of mine that dislikes mediocrity. perhaps it's a flaw, but i can't honestly say i feel the need to change it.

if i'm going to do something, i will do it all out. and those people in which i see similar traits, i often respect and admire. there's something about that... spark, that drive, that is undeniably appealing.



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